ahoj kocky ja pravdepodobne budem mat pasomnicu lebo vcera som JU zjedol ten clanok zo stolice ale tie clanky uz boli umyte vo vode...zjedol som to lebo som bol tucny...no a ja k lekarovi nepojdem lebo sa mi v skole posmievaju aky som tucny tak som ju zjedol a chcem sa opytat tych co s tym maju skusenost ze to ked clovek ma pasomnicu tak vraj nepriberie lebo ta pasomnica zje cast prijatej stravy za mna nie?no cize nepriberiem no a co s kg?kilogrami mi pojdu hore len sa to na mne nebude ukazovat?alebo kila mi ostanu aj postava?dakujem
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on T V, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( U S A )
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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>
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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>
> Q: Are there any A T Ms (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
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>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( U S A )
> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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>
> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( U S A )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( U S A )
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every T Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
> A: You are a British politician, right?
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>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
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>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( U S A )
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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>
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( U S A )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. T hey are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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>
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (U S A)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
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>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( U S A )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Drahá čo by si spravila keby som vyhral v loterii?? Zobrala by som ti polovicu a odisla by som od teba. OK. uhadol som 3 cisla tu mas 50 sk a pal do p**e
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I was 16 or so. I went into the drugstore to buy a pack of condoms.
There was a beautiful women behind the counter. She could see that I
was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No".
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store.
It was empty. She said, "Just a minute," and walked to the door and
locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned
her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
She asked, "Do these excite you?" Well, I was so dumb-struck that
all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the
condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties
and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on, " she insisted, "we don't have much time." So I climbed
on her. It was so wonderful that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back
and pow, I was done within a minute.
She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" I replied,
"I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
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nieco z kuchyne McLarenu Mercedes a o timovom duchu
troska dlhsi uvod ale...
Hamilton
"Ale myslím si, že môžeme byt hrdí na to, co sme v tejto sezóne dosiahli. Vstúpili sme do nej s najslabším autom v štartovom poli, ale nikdy sme sa nevzdali. V sobotu sme mali v Abú Zabí najrýchlejšie auto. Je to neuveritelný úspech a nemôžem menovat žiadny iný tím okrem Vodafone McLaren-Mercedesu, ktorý by to mohol zvládnut," tvrdí majster sveta z roku 2008.
"Bolo by skvelé, ak by sme tieto posledné preteky vyhrali a do zimy by sme tak šli so zdvihnutými hlavami, ale nepodarilo sa. Okruh som si zamiloval, mal dobrú zmes zákrut. Potrebovali sme v nich byt koncentrovaní a precízni, iba tak bolo možné dosiahnut najlepší cas.
Vela som sa toho naucil o snahe, obetavosti ci motivácií: tieto veci považujete v casoch boja o špicku za garantované, ale ak ste na spodných prieckach, znamenajú velmi vela. Vyspel som ako clovek i ako pilot. V tomto roku som musel prekonat väcšie prekážky ako v minulých sezónach a myslím si, že so všetkým sa viem lepšie vyrovnat, ako predtým."
Okrem toho si myslím, že náš tím je stmelenejší. Sme spolu o rok dlhšie a lepšie sa poznáme, vznikajú medzi nami silnejšie väzby. Spolu sme toho zažili už pomerne dost a navzájom sa poznáme lepšie a lepšie. Skutocne to ocenujem a myslím si, že v budúcom roku nám to pomôže pri lepších bojoch,"
teraz preklad do normalnej reci
jasne uz vidim ako dakde s Kimim a partiou chlastaju a Lewis sa usmieva tym svojim usmevom z reklamy na tenisky Nike a vravi ako je stastny, ze moze byt v takej uzasnej krcme a je plne motivovany vypit co najviac flias v spolupraci so svojim timom kamaratom sa maximalne koncetrovat na maximalnu prilnavost flasky k peram, samozrejme je si plne vedomy konkurencie z ostatnych stolov ale nezostava nic len kontinualne pokracovat v chlastani, rozhodne to nevzdavat a sustredit sa na buducu noc otazkou uz len zostava ci dostane telo na optimalnu uroven promile
